A new hobby?

     The other day I was bored and angry about all the stuffing from dog toys that lay about my house. I really do not want to clean today but Winston, the dog, has made it impossible to ignore the mess. Then as I am contemplating the cleanup he jumps up on me in anticipation of his favorite past time, "You throw the tennis ball, I will bring it back to you so you can throw it again, and again, and again!"  I am a diagnosed enabler and dogs are no different then needy people. However, this time, I had a brilliant idea. Why not remove that annoying stuffing from the dog toys and insert a tennis ball instead. Brilliant!
     It was quite effective. Winston loved his new toy and the stuffed animal soared across the room with ease. He had a double treat. A flying tennis ball stuffed animal. So now my sixty year old brain is in overdrive. I love estate sales, have outgrown garage sales but for old stuffed animals? These would not be in estate sales, hmmm.

     It is only March and the garage sale explosion is but a dream. But they had an estate sale in the paper today and I was just itching to get started. Gas is almost $4. a gallon now but I had to fill up to get to my destination. Of course, I got lost and never made it to the sale, wasting lots of gas. I was confident the directions were easy and did not bring my GPS. Silly me. I did find a quaint resale shop in my confusion and decided to stop in and take a look. There it was. A perfect stuffed animal for the insertion of a tennis ball. Only $2.00, great. I quickly snapped it up and proceed to the counter to pay for my prize. Oh, you got the Furby, the clerk gushed. Do you collect them? I have the talking one. Clueless, I replied, no I am making dog toys. Conversation ended I exited the store. What's sad is I am laughing at myself for feeling bad that I may have offended a collector.

Snow storm 2011!

I have cabin fever. Over twenty inches of snow have fallen and my employer has shut down for the second day in a row. When I was younger these days of  leisure would be welcome respite from my frantic agenda. My husband and I could lounge just a bit longer in bed and enjoy a nice conversation over breakfast. I could play with my children and get lots of choirs done. Today I am laughing at myself because I feel like doing absolutely nothing. And the world would not stop if that is exactly what I did. Go figure!

Where did the sidewalk go?

The person who plowed my driveway piled all the snow at the end of my entry sidewalk. Hope no one needs to come visit it will take them all day to shovel an entry path. Oh yeah, I'll just open the garage door.

I am babysitting my daughter's dog while she basks in the Florida sun. He is a Jack Russel and a very good puppy, to my daughter's benefit. I have never been a pet lover. OK, shoot me now pet lovers of the world. It is not that I dislike animals but I prefer the company of humans. Besides it is usually I who gets the job of caretaker.However, animals do provide some entertainment.

Winston, the puppy's name, needed to go do business. He usually marks his territory in the middle of our duplex unit. The 20" snowfall caused a bit of a problem because the sidewalk ended in a mountain of snow. He paced and paced! Being too tiny to jump into the large snow drifts that lined the sidewalk he got frustrated and barked to come in; it is very cold outside. Then he did his circle routine and decided he needed to solve this problem or be uncomfortable the whole evening. I once again opened the door and watched him pace the sidewalk in disbelief. And then, being the resourceful puppy that he is, Winston went behind the bushes that line the house and relieved himself. That was a fun bit of imagery on a snow bound day. Laughing out loud...am I bored or what!

Life changes you.

Life changes you. The things that seemed so important in the past are somewhat simple to achieve now. And goals and aspirations are tempered by time and priority. What do I have enough time to do with my life and how important is it to accomplish. I have had success and I have failed. I have loved and I have been lonely. I have had extreme happiness and extreme sorrow. In all of this all I really know is that I am. 

I know how to love even if it hurts. I have learned to cry uncontrollably and laugh passionately, all the while accepting the fragility of existence. And so I now must set goals to use these precious life's gifts for a new direction on the forked path to tomorrow. All the while, I must first and foremost KEEP LAUGHING AT MYSELF.

It is two in the morning as I write. This is the time I use to go to bed, lol!  Oh, I get plenty of sleep because I am in bed by six in the evening some nights and can't remember the last time I saw ten p.m. I find that the solitude of quite mornings suits me nicely. I have the luxury of curling back up in bed if I choose or just beginning the day  fully relaxed. The greatest gift I now afforded myself is the luxury of personal space. I enjoy the company  of other people but do not need them to complete myself. I like being with me. When we are young and struggling to become whole, others help define who we are. Our family and friends are very important. Life then defines the purpose of these relationships. The strong bonds will stand the test of time. Weak links will vanish into the past; lessons learned. I am very fortunate to have a core of strong relationships to sustain my social needs. This is where I now choose to focus my energy, one heart beat at a time.

Pants on the ground!

I acknowledge that I am old! I acknowledge that I was in the bra burning, free sex and drug generation of the sixties. I acknowledge I did things my parents would not have approved of and felt no guilt. And so I believe I can understand the attitude of this new generation of pants on the ground young men. BUT I CAN'T! What is up with this? I am so tired of telling young men to pull up their pants....!!!!

And there is no shame if their  zipper is open and in clear view ,because they claim to have boxers underneath? And  to some it is really cool if you let your shirt tail hang out of your fly to get attention. PLEASE! OK,OK, I am calming down. Breath....LAUGH!!!!  Why I ask myself does this bother me so much?

These are not my children. But they are my future. They will be the ones voting on issues that effect my life in the years to come and I want them to vote with respect for others and not as narcissistic, self motivated clones of false freedom. Pull your pants up! Please.

Alaska.

I was so excited. I had done my best to charge every purchase on my travel awards card so I could afford a plane ticket to my dream destination, Alaska. I even sent for a travel brochure and investigated the cost of the train that goes between Fairbanks and Anchorage. I put all my coins in a large, crystal, champagne chiller and when it is filled I will pay for the train fare. All I need now is to save enough for lodging and some extras like food. I have not planned a vacation in a long time. Don't get me wrong, I have been spoiled and visited Europe, and have been on cruises to the likes of Hawaii and Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. As a family, we had many wonderful happenings to Florida, Carolina and many states in between. I have catered weddings in Maryland, visited family in California, watched the moon rise and set high in the mountains of Tahoe and enjoyed my sixtieth birthday in the company of family and friends in Las Vega, Nevada.   OK, I said I was spoiled. 

My life is different now and at age sixty; I asked myself where I wanted to go on vacation. I decided that there were many places I could drive to when I retire. But for an Alaskan adventure I wanted to still be able to do it right, now is a good time while I am still working. I found out summer was the perfect time to visit Alaska because the weather was warm. I want to see all the animals and all the ice; fishing boats and endless water. I want to eat shrimp, oysters and fresh caught fish. The one thing I did not want to do is a cruise. I know people who love cruises. I really enjoyed the ones I took but my cruise attitude is "been there done
that ". I would rather have an adventure then a planned event. If I want to dine alone and sip on a cocktail savoring a delicious meal at a unique restaurant touting local fare,I can. I do not have to participate in the conversation of a table of ten strangers. 

This morning I shared with my daughter my excitement of nearly reaching enough mileage for a round trip ticket to anywhere in the Continental United States. "Where are you going?" she asked. "Alaska." I replied. "You do know that Alaska is not in the Continental United States." she questioned.

LAUGHING AT MYSELF...now I do.

Where do I fit in?

I am at a crossroad in my life since turning sixty. Different from any other stage of life.  I view the world and  people, much less optimistically than in my youth. I have lost many of the people who defined my existence. My husband, my mother and too many friends are no longer in my circle of life. The house where I raised my children with my husband of twenty seven years and the family restaurants I worked at for thirty seven years are gone from my daily life. Still I am. But what am I?

It sounds so simple. I am still so many things I was before. I embrace being a grandmother , mother, sister, and friend. I am thankful for having a job I enjoy and a home in which I am comfortable. In these areas I feel whole. Life's current direction, however,  lacks definition. There is an unknown quotient that never existed before. I am figuratively here scratching my head in indecision and LAUGHING AT MYSELF.

What is Etsy.com?

OK, so I am being helpful? My daughters are artist, I am NOT! But I love them very much and want to support their passions. So I agreed to post treasury compliments to other artist on Etsy.com for one of my daughter's that is a ceramic artist. And then, all of a sudden. I was creating treasury's. It started out to be a lot of fun. I could go browse the web site and pick all the things that appealed to me and create a list. I did not have to spend any money, although I did, or put them someplace in my home, but somehow I owned these things I loved. It was very fulfilling! Apparently, my lack of artistic vision and poor taste in selections became a problem. REALLY LAUGHING AT MYSELF!

I understand why my daughter asked for my help. As a wife, mother and employed young woman, with a passion for ceramics, her days are pretty full. The last thing she has the luxury to do is spend hours on the computer, uninterrupted, searching Etsy's site to create treasuries or comment on other peoples treasuries. Etsy.com is a community of sellers helping promote each others work to create sales. This is accomplished through treasuries which highlight other artist work not your own. The community of artist then creates a treasury promoting your work in return. That is where I came in to help. I created treasuries and commented on other treasuries that the community had created. I have plenty of time so figured it was a perfect fit. Then I get an email telling me not to make any more treasuries until I speak with my daughter. I wonder why?

It turns out my picks, as the choice of products in a treasury are called, were too ME! They did not draw people to the earthy feel of her work. If you have never seen a treasury I will give you a link to one that created the buzz, memories and regrets . I am LAUGHING AT MYSELF; what was I thinking? I am in my sixties. What young person would name a treasury "Memories and regrets". I found out the title of the treasury was not the problem.

Friends are memorie makers.

My daughter and some friends are going snowboarding to Chestnut mountain today. Two friends Dan and Courtney, not a couple, spent the night in my two bedroom, two bath {thank the Lord} condo. Yesterday my daughter quietly went about her day as if not one thing out of the ordinary was going to happen today. But I was horror struck! Where are they going to sleep? Is the house clean? Do I need to go out and get some food for breakfast for everyone? Should I just stay in my room? What if I need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night will I wake them up? LAUGHING AT MYSELF!
I stayed home from work yesterday because I woke up in the morning to a ferocious rumbling in my stomach that screamed what in H did you eat yesterday? I must admit that my digestive system is showing it's age and quickly responds to my inappropriate food and beverage choices. I sipped water and apologized for eating a whole burger with fries and A1 sauce for lunch, having cocktails before my linguine and white clam sauce dinner and nibbling on a Christmas cookie for dessert. I took two aspirins to calm the internal storm, called work, and went back to sleep. When I awoke, physically, I was much better. Mentally old habits and concerns paralyzed my functioning brain. LAUGHING AT MYSELF!
I began cleaning the house. "What are you doing mom? I thought your were sick." my daughter questioned. "You are having guest over the house is a mess!" I replied. After the floor was cleaned, bathroom and kitchen checked I arranged the furniture to put the air mattress up for the male guest and we fitted it with pillows and bed linens. I made a light dinner to appease my internal dilemma and retired to my room before the guest arrived.
Alone and calm that the place was ready I had time to think of yesterday when I was the one going skiing with a group of friends and really LAUGHED AT MYSELF! What did I remember about those times. Was it the place we stayed, the food we ate, the condition of the hills, the weather, what I wore or what I drank? A bit. But what made me smile most was the memories of my friend falling and breaking a ski in half, or tearing their pants when they slid uncontrollably down the bunny hill?
And so as I meander through the final chapter of my life I will keep laughing at the other stages of life that have bought me here joyfully.